


SHIELD Has Unlimited Texting

by McEnchilada



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Humor, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-27
Updated: 2012-09-27
Packaged: 2017-11-15 04:28:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/523144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/McEnchilada/pseuds/McEnchilada
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>During a very hyper weekend with a very hyper <a href="http://mcartistic.tumblr.com/">friend</a>, some phone contacts were changed, and some fun conversations were had. Please enjoy the highlights of these.</p><p>Phil/Clint relationship hinted at, but interpret it as you will.</p>
    </blockquote>





	SHIELD Has Unlimited Texting

**Author's Note:**

> During a very hyper weekend with a very hyper [friend](http://mcartistic.tumblr.com/), some phone contacts were changed, and some fun conversations were had. Please enjoy the highlights of these.
> 
> Phil/Clint relationship hinted at, but interpret it as you will.

They really should make sure these people can handle these situations before hiring them. A Natasha tantrum is a pretty common occurrence.  
-CB

They just don't screen them for capability these days.  
-PC

They really just need to learn to avoid Natasha when she's in a mood.  
-CB

Something that neither you nor Stark seem to have mastered.  
-PC

I think she just specifically seeks us out when she's pissed.  
-CB

You tend to deserve it.  
-PC

That's...probably true. Still hurtful, though.  
-CB

Do we need to talk about our feelings, Barton?  
-PC

\---

In the interest of not losing an Avenger to a bloody, brutal death, someone should probably advise Stark to leave off the Rocky and Bullwinkle jokes around Natasha.  
-PC

I volunteer Bruce for that. He's the most likely to be able to talk some sense into Stark, I think.  
-CB

I get nervous about having the two of them in one room. Explosions tend to increase the overall stress of the work environment.  
-PC

Well, Steve probably wouldn't get what he as telling Tony not to reference, Thor is...Thor, and also, NOT IT.  
-CB

Even if I bat my eyelashes at you?  
-PC

As persuasive as you can be, Coulson…  
-CB  
\---

I’ve been trying to determine where Thor got the idea that throwing the computer on the ground is the correct way to replay Youtube videos.  
Any ideas on that, Barton?  
Who suggested he watch Charlie the Unicorn, anyway?  
-PC

Galaga Guy, probably.  
-CB

Right. I'm sure. And hearing "Come with me to Candy Mountain, Charlie" from the air vents was in no way related, right?  
-PC

...No idea what you're talking about.  
-CB

Do you have any idea how badly you scared Steve with that?  
-PC

Scaring the shit out of Steve was not my intention. But it was hilarious.  
-CB

That's just cruel. And Stark comforted him. STARK. You enabled the defilation of a national icon.  
-PC

Oh, come on, it was bound to happen eventually.  
-CB

\---

Have you heard about the ongoing pool in the break room about you and Natasha?  
-PC

No, I haven't, actually.  
-CB

There's a couple hundred dollars in it so far over whether or not you two are secretly married.  
-PC

Seriously? That's actually kind of hilarious.  
-CB

I'm looking forward to making quite a profit from it once someone finally gets the balls to ask you about it. There's another one going on you and Dr. Banner.  
-PC

There's also one on me and you. People are just scared to let you know about it.  
-CB

Oh, I knew about that. I also heard you started it.  
-PC

\---

Barton, stop making puppy eyes at me. I'm well aware that it was you that dumped enough packs of donuts in front of my door to prevent me from entering my office.  
-PC

You have no proof that it was me.  
-CB

They were dumped in front of my door from within my office. There's a very small number of people for whom donuts bear any significant meaning, and an even smaller number who get around in the ceiling. Not many options.  
-PC

Okay, fine. But come on, didn't you find it at least a little amusing?  
-CB

Might've, if you'd gotten me both kinds. Nothing but powdered donuts gets a bit dry.  
-PC

I'll remember that for next time.  
-CB

...Next time? You're planning to do this every time you don't want me to find out about something, aren't you?  
-PC  
\---

Since you’re doing absolutely nothing else, could you bring me a coffee?  
The number of incident reports Stark manages to produce is appalling. It’s going to be a long night.  
-PC

Can do, sir.  
-CB

I like when you call me "sir", Barton.  
-PC

Oh, I know you do, sir.  
-CB

It's a refreshing break from all the times you call me "Phil" or "Son of Coul" or "President of the Captain America Fanclub."  
-PC  
\---

Settle an argument: Who would win in a fight, Natasha or Wonder Woman?  
-PC

Oh god. Hm...  
Natasha.  
Possibly.  
I think someone needs to organize this fight.  
-CB

\---  
Braton.  
Batron.  
Barton.  
-PC

...Coulson?  
-CB

This stfuf is great. Cna i habe more? Stakr saysbnooo  
-PC

STARK is having to tell YOU no? Have I stumbled into an alternate universe?  
-CB

I want donits.  
I lovedonus.  
-PC

How much have you had to drink, Coulson? I might have to tell Stark to cut you off.  
-CB

Dooonuts.  
-PC

I'm going to take that as, "way too many."  
Man, you are going to have one hell of a hangover later.  
-CB

Your facei s gong tohqve a hanngover latrer :P  
-PC

Barton, this is Tony. Please come get Coulson. He's drooling on my carpet.  
-TS

I was waiting for that text. I'll be there in a few minutes.  
-CB

I was curious, I wanted to see what he'd be like drunk. Torn between amusing and frightening.  
Were you aware of what he's like when he drinks? And of how much he can drink? I mean, damn.  
-TS

Can't say I've ever seen Coulson drunk before. This is probably why.  
-CB

Did you know he liked your arms? I think he's jealous.  
-TS

My arms? Hm. Interesting.  
-CB

I think I'm adding another $50 to the "Coulson and Barton" pool.  
-TS


End file.
